When Anger and Rage Take Over: What They’re Really Telling You

If you’re a single parent who’s ever found yourself overwhelmed by anger, maybe even exploding in a way you later regretted, you are absolutely not alone. Anger and rage are two emotions that carry a lot of shame, particularly when you're doing it all solo. But what if, instead of pushing these feelings away or labelling them as ‘bad’, we started to see them for what they really are, signals. Warnings that something deeper is happening underneath the surface.

At Solas Coaching, I work with single parents every day who are dealing with the quiet but relentless pressure of raising children alone. And here’s the truth: the anger you feel is not a personal failing. It’s often a completely natural response to an incredibly demanding situation.

Why Single Parents Are More Prone to Anger

Single parenthood is a perfect storm for emotional overwhelm. You’re managing a household alone, parenting solo, juggling co-parenting tensions, possibly carrying financial stress, and often putting your own needs last. Add the guilt of not feeling “enough” or the pain of comparing your life to the glossy perfection you see online, and it’s no wonder your fuse sometimes burns out.

When needs go unmet and boundaries are constantly crossed, anger steps in to let you know something isn’t right. This isn’t about being a bad parent. It’s about being human under immense pressure.

I’ve learned something vital as a single parent, anger isn’t the enemy. It’s a messenger. And when we stop trying to suppress it and start listening to it, we can begin to understand ourselves and our needs far more deeply.

What’s Really Happening in the Brain

When we feel angry, it’s because our brain has detected a threat something that feels unsafe or unjust. The amygdala, our emotional alarm system, kicks in and triggers the fight-or-flight response. This shuts down the logical part of our brain (the prefrontal cortex) and pushes us to react instinctively. That’s why angry outbursts can feel uncontrollable, it’s literally how the brain is wired.

But here’s the good news: once we understand this, we can begin to spot the early warning signs and respond differently.

3 Strategies to Manage Anger With Compassion

1. Learn Your Triggers and Signals
Start noticing what happens before the outburst. Is there a physical cue like tightness in your chest or clenching your jaw. Is it always during a specific moment, like Saturday mornings when you're trying to get everyone out the door? Understanding your patterns helps you pause and redirect before anger explodes.

2. Practise Curiosity Over Criticism
When you do feel angry, ask yourself: “What need is going unmet here?” or “What is my anger trying to protect?” Writing this down or speaking it aloud to someone can help you see the bigger picture. Try not to judge the feeling and approach it with gentle curiosity instead.

3. Make Space for Yourself
Even if it’s just 10 minutes of quiet while the TV is on, giving yourself a moment to breathe and regulate is not selfish, it’s essential. Breathwork can help massively here. Try breathing in for 4 counts, out for 6, and repeating this for one minute. It sounds simple, but over time it’s a powerful tool to re-centre yourself.

And If You Do Blow Up…

Despite your best efforts, there will be moments when things spill over. When they do:

• Give yourself space to calm down.

• Challenge your inner critic. Are you really a “terrible parent” or just a tired one who had a hard moment?

• Reflect and learn. What triggered it? What could help next time?

• Apologise with honesty. You’re modelling emotional responsibility, not perfection.

• Show yourself compassion. This is hard. You're doing your best.

Final Thoughts

Anger is not a failure, it’s a flag. A signal that something matters, something hurts, or something needs to change. When you begin to see anger in this light, it becomes a powerful tool for growth, not a source of guilt.

The next time your rage bubbles up, take a breath, pause, and ask: What is this emotion trying to tell me?

And remember, you are not alone in this. You are not broken. You are navigating an incredibly complex role, and you’re doing it with love even on the hardest days.